Thursday, February 23, 2006

The Organic

Tonight it’s all about the organic.

It’s all about the connections.

The billion strands that only I can see. They are my strands.

They come from me.

I am about to close the door to the hallway.

Only 50 people will know what that last line means.

Is the goal of the human mind to remove itself from the organic and create the alien?

We must create the alien. We are the aliens.

We must fill the holes.

With ideas.

How do you describe the indescribable? Does any word that implies empirical action become a paradox when a negation precedes it?

Is there a chasm dividing that which humanity is, and that which humanity makes?

Can we fill that chasm?

Why do I think that what I am writing here will have any bearing on anything? Ever?

Why do humans always want more? What could have programmed us to want more than what we have? To reach? What will it accomplish? Is that not futility? To tell a being that it has purpose when it in fact doesn’t? Funny joke?

Is that the essence of absurdity?

Why do I think that any question could be answered? Concrete. Reality.

Would it be absurd to send this poem to people I don’t know? Would it frighten them? Confuse them?

It just occurred to me. I have never actually made anything real. I have thought, but not created.

I use all these alien products that are not human.

And I have never been involved in the creation of any one of these “things”

I made a candle once. It was ugly.

Food is not a thing. It is a consumable. I have played with it. But I have not made it.

Structure for structure.

Is efficiency immoral? What is moral?

Is morality a fluid? Liquid morality – apply it wherever you need it. It will drip. Take a


Mmmmm – liquid morality. It sure tastes good. Take a drink and it makes you feel better about the crime you just committed. It’s like a band aid for your soul.

I am not an alien. But what I do IS alien.

When did that happen? What year? 1945?

Is that the trickery of God? Is God writing a story for all the ants?

Up and down. Is that how it goes? Beginning and ending? Up and down…

Is that where the billion strands have ended up?

Funnelled through God’s story?

What is it about me that makes my actions alien but my essence organic?

****Why was I born/raised thinking that I was right? What if someone were raised to think that everything they thought was wrong?

How would they function? How could they affirm anything as having value?

IS that necessary in order for me to survive? To make a decision?

It’s funny. I have a skeleton. Mine doesn’t work properly.

I am sick. I will be sick for the rest of my life.

There is no beginning or ending to this. It is like time.

I believe that some force has granted me a beginning and an end.

As a being, I have the right to govern myself.

If there is no force, then I have no beginning or ending?

It all starts with nothing.

Or something?

Are these things that can be known?

I want to see the future.

Am I a tragic being?

Am I a story?

Why am I a story?

Communication is taking the billion strands of nothingness/nonsense and funnelling them through structure tubes to make them stronger.

Why do I marvel at the common? And then marvel at the grand?

Why do I ascribe structure to something that can not have structure? Life has no structure. It has process. Are there structures in process? Reality is concrete. Why do I think that I will discover something about life that has not yet been discovered?


Who should I show this to? Should I show it to myself tomorrow? Will I exist tomorrow?

Will I awake as a different person than I am now? WHO THE FUCK AM I?

Do I have fears? Death? I suppose…

But why?


If I could overcome my fear of death I would be free.

I do not believe that I will ever die. I will not die. I have been told that I will die. But I don’t believe that I will. Prove to me that I will die. If you succeed, it will not be proven. Is that a paradox?

Should I stop worrying about death and start thinking about life? So simple but so clever.

Incredulity to meta-narratives? Everything is bullshit?

Is that where we are now? We can’t get over the hill so we gave up?

Or are we regrouping in the organic goo at the bottom of the hill?

Are we re-sharpening the swords for one last majestic push through the barrier?

The threshold?

Why was I unaware of the threshold until now?

Some people seemed to know about it. What will happen when we push through it? Will we emerge as the aliens? Will we become the gods that torment the ants? Will the ants fight back? Or are they too smart to fight?

Why can’t I see? I guess my mind does not see the truth. I can guess. But I can’t see around the pillars.


Blogger Derelict said...

Deep shit

4:48 PM  

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